On a bus going home from class, passing a church I overheard a couple arguing on the streets in busy Kingston, the capital. As the bus accelerated I heard the guy who turned out to be in his early twenties blurted an expletive to the younger female who he was talking to. His angry tone rang sirens in my head and as I stepped off the bus I ran around the corner to see what was going down. To tell the truth the journalist in me was at its highest and I literally ran until I was there. I took out my blackberry to record the final moments of the argument but because of the darkness I couldn’t. I hope the next blackberry model will have an embedded light to record in the dark. When I reached an area near this couple they continued to argue while the girl started to cry.
I love relationships. I love the stability and balance it offers for people who decide to share their lives with others. There is a glow that shines on those who share a bond. A glow so beautiful and loving that it makes onlookers jealous. Whether it is your soul mate or your best friend, a relationship with someone can make a friend’s life fulfilling.
Relationships are like living things, they go through stages and their own challenges. My friends can admit (I hope) that they have never heard me arguing with people. Writing this now a moment in time flashes across my mind where I totally went bizarre on my friend who had hurt me so bad. That is one in a million times that I can go out on someone. I do not like arguments with anyone. If I see a crises coming on I literally ignore it. If that is not possible I just zone out, if I can’t step away from your presence. I know this in particular is true and it comes from my childhood experiences. My father would have disagreements and his way of expressing his dissatisfaction or grievance would be to argue and think that would be satisfying or solving the situation. From back then I have not liked arguing with people. I think they are better ways to solve issues that affect each other and that involves sitting down like adults and speaking through issues and seeking the best solutions.
Can you imagine having to discuss disagreements on the streets? It is the most vulgar thing I can imagine someone doing. It is crude and shoddy because you are bringing your most private moments to the public arena and I do not want to be subjected to listen or see you pollute the environment with your antics. If I am not availing myself to discuss what is pertinent to you it means I am not ready to do so. It does not in any way give you the right to step in front of me on the street to make your point be known. Not only will I ignore you but I might act like I don’t know you.
Tips to deal with people who you have a disagreement with:
- Before you have a fit. Ask yourself if this is something to be upset about?
- If it is big enough and you have reasons to justify it. Attempt to have dialogue with the person about the issue.
- Speaking with the other individual does not include shouting, expletives, and offensive remarks and so on. Speak in a relaxed tone and air your issues.
- If a meeting is not forthcoming, and you genuinely need to speak with this person it may be time to have others intervene (close pals, professionals) to help you if forgetting this person is not an option.
Relationships die and you will have challenges. There is no way a face off on the street is the way to go about doing it. Sorry! Friendships and relationships will never go perfectly fine. You are two separate individuals, with two priorities, two different outlook on life and the aim is to make that one. If I am sure about one thing you will have mountains to climb with that diversity. But it can work. Next time you have a disagreement, count to ten and talk it through.
Corve DaCosta's Blog 
What a grotesque attraction to others’ pain you have. There’s something wrong with you.
TOG
Wow, I am silence now. I hate arguments too, I hate silences, after an unsolved argument. But, I cannot say I have not argue. I did. I always try to do it the peaceful way, but I am not always successful in it. I will not shout or use bad language, but sometimes I judge, and that is not good. So Corve, thank you, this is a powerful post!
To be fair though, sometimes things become explosive… we don’t have all the details of this particular case. I am never one to walk away from resolving a dispute. People just need to remember to be thoughtful and respectful when they express themselves. As is often the case with relationships though, the usual rules don’t always apply— people get close, emotions run high. I wouldn’t be so hard on them. I’m sure they are are embarrassed as you can imagine they are.
Enter your comments here…
Ooops, sorry about that!
I figure that everyone has a right to an opinion. They have a right to voice their opinion. They should voice it in a calm, logical way…if they choose not to, I just choise to walk away. That is just my opinion. 🙂
Wow I feel as though I should take some lessons from you..you’ve made very good points, but I always need to solve it right away and whatever that takes needs to be done..some people cant hold a thoughtful or reflective conversation when it is them who has done something hurtful..they cant accept the responsibility and/or the confrontation and they close themselves off to discussion..that gets me mad and makes me want to force the issue..at least until they “get it”..ya know what I mean
Has anyone ever called you Gladys Kravetz or is that Bewitched reference too old for you..hahah
I’m not nosy! lol
So true! It’s the same thing with parenting, I see some public exchanges between parents and young children that just break my heart. I really believe that in most cases, parents are always doing the best they can, and continuing a cycle that continues from the way they were raised, so they are doing the best they can with what they know. I think that with young children your absolute focus has to be on establishing and maintaining a high level of self esteem. It can be a really cold world out there, and they need a very positive self image as a base to have a chance to overcome lifes obstacles and be successful.
Good post,I also hate arguments they very seldom settle anything!! Just a bunch of harsh words for nothing,I had enough of that for sure,you gave some good tips about calming down before spouting off!!! 🙂
I was once having lunch in a restaurant and next to me a boss was talking down to his employee, right in front of me, in the next table in a very loud and demeaning way. She looked horrified and sad. I asked him “Do you have to do that here?” and immediately he apologized and talked to her in a better tone.
I won’t intentionally create any type of argument with anyone, anywhere, but if I see someone being discriminated against or being treated in an unfair manner, I can’t help but stick up for them. There have been times it has escalated into something louder but its not my intention. I just can’t STAND people getting treated like crap! I can’t stand by and do nothing.
Very nice post and nicely explained. I do totally agree with u regarding this.
Take the Relationship Test and find out how happy are you in your Partnership. Have Fun!!
I think what you mentioned in your last paragraph is so important. A relationship is between 2 individuals. Individuals being the operative word here. Certainly in my life, it has always been when the other individual fails to recognise my individuality that problems arise.
I know that relationships involve give and take but….. I still maintain that each individual has the right (even duty) to themselves to retain their individuality.
Once the 2 individuals learn to respect each others individuality, I think the relationship can only improve and become more exciting.
Oh Corve, there is nothing better that overhearing the neighbors fight, kinda like stalking without Facebook 🙂
take a deep breath, leave to stay in another place for an hour or two, …
beautiful tips.
insightful post!
Good write-up. you’re right about the two different priorities, outlooks, et cetera, in every couple. In fact, I generally have several different opinions and goals before discussing matters with my partner. 😀
hey how come i dont get published? 😦 do you hate me because of my feedback?
oh no…one day you will
thanks for the everlasting info
I will try.